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This Is The Day When I Stopped Being The Other Girl Who Loved You Like The Only Girl

When was the last time you are able to take over your life and finally be able to do the right thing? 

I did it a few days ago. 

The guy I am with already has a girlfriend and he meant our relationship is supposed to be just for fun. But after some time, I caught in feelings and it bothers me a lot because he was invested time in me by taking me places, buying me gifts, meeting me halfway (I just can't with people who sacrifice their time just to meet me), texting me every day, video calling me in random times. He's fun and loving of course but I caught feelings and I start getting upset every time he told me he wanted to go out with his girlfriend. 

Every time he did that, I always wonder "What is wrong with me?"

Why I always be the second choice to everyone I hold most dear? Is it because I'm always around and easy to approach?


Is it better to know that in his mind, I am the best? Better than his girlfriend like he said every time I asked him why he plays such a game he knows he can't win? 


Why he still chooses her when he knows that he had a better chance with me in everything?


And I finally take control of my life. Telling myself that I don't want to be the girl who waits for him every time he went out with his girlfriend for a chance to talk to him through chats. I decide to tell myself that I deserve better than just a girl who only has his hug in a room where only I can see it. 

I decided to take my phone and tell him I deserve better. That I didn't want to be the one who makes him unfaithful. That I didn't want to take part in making someone cry from the mistakes I know I can avoid. 

I've learned that someone who truly wants you that much, wouldn't hide you behind a shadow named 'friendship'. 

I did tell him that I grow some feelings for him, feelings he could never answer and if he answer, the answer wouldn't be the words I hoped he said. 

So before he leaves me, I left him first. 

To avoid the heartbreak. To take control of myself that once gives up for a glimpse of hope that somehow you will choose me over your girlfriend. To make myself stand back to the reality that it would never be that simple and easy. 

I left you to take back the power that I was invested in you.

That moment when I left you, I feel more powerful. I feel that if I can do this, I definitely can do anything. If I choose to love myself first and know I deserve better, eventually, something better will come along and find me. 

Sometimes I miss you. But it doesn't mean that I want you back. 

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