Mrs. Words

For people with anxiety, there's never a one fine day. I wait for bad things to happen. For bad omens to show up. There was never a good that lasts forever. Things will always fall apart. A relationship would always end. People would cheat. Friends would leave. Sky will turn to grey and rain will heavily fall on that garden party you already prepared for three months.  Things never come easy for me. Whenever I finally talk about my feelings to someone else, I eventually feel glad that something coming off of my chest. But then I realize that I am involving other people with my unnecessary problems and wondering whether I causing them too much problem because of my story. I often wonder whether I should keep those problems to myself and do I scare the people with my problem--due to my overthinking that I am apparently telling and revealing too much of myself. I've dealt with anxiety for as long as I can remember due to my childhood trauma. I was raised in a condition...

When was the last time you are able to take over your life and finally be able to do the right thing?  I did it a few days ago.  The guy I am with already has a girlfriend and he meant our relationship is supposed to be just for fun. But after some time, I caught in feelings and it bothers me a lot because he was invested time in me by taking me places, buying me gifts, meeting me halfway (I just can't with people who sacrifice their time just to meet me), texting me every day, video calling me in random times. He's fun and loving of course but I caught feelings and I start getting upset every time he told me he wanted to go out with his girlfriend.  Every time he did that, I always wonder "What is wrong with me?" Why I always be the second choice to everyone I hold most dear? Is it because I'm always around and easy to approach? Is it better to know that in his mind, I am the best? Better than his girlfriend like he said every time I asked him wh...

Right now in life, everything seems like you're coming to a dead-end. To the end of the road. At the edge of a cliff.  You absolutely have no idea where life might take you. You keep thinking of the life you've been picturing for so long--and this life isn't even close to what you're dreaming of. You haven't been on the place where you should be right now. That dream job hasn't been yours. Even the plan of getting married by 25 is forgotten because hell, every guy wants to take it 'casual' right now. You try to play it cool, try to brush it off. Telling people that 'I am living in my own timeline' or 'Things will falls into place for me one day' but you can't help to wonder: when is that 'one day' will actually happens to you? Why aren't you living the same timeline like your bestfriend who's already pregnant with her second child? Aren't you good enough either to be a mom? Why are you keep doing the same job...

As someone who drawn into the world of Instagram, i have those couples that i love to see. I even followed both of their Instagram to see what is the girl said about him, what is the boy said about her, what are the captions, what thing do they post that makes me sometimes feel jealous and screams internally to God (which i know He would hear it anyway) about why they have to be so adorable and so on point. Their relationship is everything. Everyone want to be like them. Everyone worship them to the ground they walk on. No one forget to leave a cute comment sayings about how that is a relationship goals and how the relationship should be like that, following with the wishes for the couple to be marry or anything and roots for them to be together until they die. Other people's love story might be beautiful. They might be wonderful, teary-eyed and the one you kinda wish it happen in your life. Some of them even dramatic, some of them are unbelievably sweet. They might po...