Mrs. Words

When was the last time you are able to take over your life and finally be able to do the right thing?  I did it a few days ago.  The guy I am with already has a girlfriend and he meant our relationship is supposed to be just for fun. But after some time, I caught in feelings and it bothers me a lot because he was invested time in me by taking me places, buying me gifts, meeting me halfway (I just can't with people who sacrifice their time just to meet me), texting me every day, video calling me in random times. He's fun and loving of course but I caught feelings and I start getting upset every time he told me he wanted to go out with his girlfriend.  Every time he did that, I always wonder "What is wrong with me?" Why I always be the second choice to everyone I hold most dear? Is it because I'm always around and easy to approach? Is it better to know that in his mind, I am the best? Better than his girlfriend like he said every time I asked him wh...

Right now in life, everything seems like you're coming to a dead-end. To the end of the road. At the edge of a cliff.  You absolutely have no idea where life might take you. You keep thinking of the life you've been picturing for so long--and this life isn't even close to what you're dreaming of. You haven't been on the place where you should be right now. That dream job hasn't been yours. Even the plan of getting married by 25 is forgotten because hell, every guy wants to take it 'casual' right now. You try to play it cool, try to brush it off. Telling people that 'I am living in my own timeline' or 'Things will falls into place for me one day' but you can't help to wonder: when is that 'one day' will actually happens to you? Why aren't you living the same timeline like your bestfriend who's already pregnant with her second child? Aren't you good enough either to be a mom? Why are you keep doing the same job...

It's unbelieveable how lately i like to spend time alone with myself, rather with anyone else or any friends, for that matter. I was known as the 'sociable' person, i can make friends whenever i go. I have a lot of friends who i can go with. Even my ex said that there will be more than 5.000 people in my wedding because that's the image of how much friends that i have in my life. I usually find my energy recharge by meeting with other person. Or spending time with my friend, doing something fun or just hanging at the house watching movies. I usually a 'yes, man' person whenever my friends ask me to hang out, anytime, anywhere. I involved in many group activities, i used to join discussion group. My life was pretty much sociable and i always have much time for them. And then realize, i never have time for myself. My life was always surrounded by crowd, by a lot of people, by the background noises until i forget how to be alone. How to just watching people f...