It's unbelieveable how lately i like to spend time alone with myself, rather with anyone else or any friends, for that matter. I was known as the 'sociable' person, i can make friends whenever i go. I have a lot of friends who i can go with. Even my ex said that there will be more than 5.000 people in my wedding because that's the image of how much friends that i have in my life.
I usually find my energy recharge by meeting with other person. Or spending time with my friend, doing something fun or just hanging at the house watching movies. I usually a 'yes, man' person whenever my friends ask me to hang out, anytime, anywhere. I involved in many group activities, i used to join discussion group. My life was pretty much sociable and i always have much time for them.
And then realize, i never have time for myself.
My life was always surrounded by crowd, by a lot of people, by the background noises until i forget how to be alone. How to just watching people from afar. I forget the fun idea of being alone. I was lost in the crowd until i lost myself in the process and my identity is scattered around those people. I don't know who i am anymore and what i want because i always go with the crowd, you know. If majority wants this, and then i'll want it to. Or try to follow. I no longer give myself time to take a break, to see if that's really what i want. I always rushing, following one friends to another because i am scared of being left behind.
I was scared of being alone. I didn't like the idea of wandering the mall alone, eating alone, going to the coffee shops alone, spending time with my own thoughts. I overthink, i am afraid of my image to other person. What if they see me being alone all the time?
Their thought must be like "oh, maybe she's annoying so nobody wants to be friend with her" or "she must have been very shy" and also "she's not good in socializing". I always care of what they think of me, and i always think that if they see me alone, there must be something wrong in your life. Or you just don't try enough to make connections to other people.
I was so busy providing time for other person, and being a complete dick to my own self. Like i know i am tired, but i keep pushing and i keep things going because i want other person to depend on me. I want to be that girl, who helped them in their difficult time and later can be thanked on and remembered of my kindness.
That's a very naive thoughts isn't it?
If you are the kind of person like me, who is afraid of being alone, who is afraid of being single and constantly thinking that alone equals to the inability for us to connect with other people, please, read this article thoroughly because being alone is comforting.
Being alone means you have more time for yourself. You don't have to be alone all the time, but whenever you need a break from life, just do it. You will have more time to figure out what you really want in life, without having have to hear opinion that come from people who doesn't know you well like you know yourself. You will discover things that you don't know you have when you spend time with other people. You will have a more perfect understanding of your own emotion: what makes you happy, what makes you sad, how you wanna be treated.
Being alone means you can start doing whatever you want to do. When you are in a large groups of friend, you will always have to compromise to find things that can actually enjoyable for the whole group. Your playlist in the car will play the most mainstream song because that's what the group wants. You will get food in the same place with the groups, even though you are fancy of eating something else. Being alone means you can hear whatever music you want to hear. You will find yourself can do something that you didn't do for as long as you can remember, simply because you finally have the time to do it.
Being alone will gives you greater understanding in relationship with other people. It will make you appreciate things more than before, because you know that some things couldn't take for granted and you will find how you wanna be treated in relationship. Being alone means you don't have to stay in a toxic relationship for too long, because you know how much you worth and there's still other people you haven't met yet and it could be your big chance. You will enjoy your alone time, and you will be very much enjoying when you are in a relationship because only then you realize that there's something you have to do together with other person.
Being alone means that you can help yourself from the situation of the need to making other people happy. You realize that you didn't add much in their happiness. You won't rely again in other person to make you happy. Being alone will make you happily independent and you will know that there's no greater happiness that comes other than try to make yourself happy first before someone else.
Because if you cannot make yourself happy, how do you know how to make other people happy, right?
Being alone will gives your life meaning and you'll get greater understanding about yourself. Often we find ourselves trying to find validation from other people just to make sure that we are still 'okay' and not drifting away too much from the society. We still follow rules and we still be what our society thinks of us. When you start to truly appreciate of being alone, you'll no longer need validation from other people. You will learn to trust your instinct, and you'll be able to make any decision yourself based on your judgement. You will no longer depend on someone to make your choices for you. You will learn how to be responsible of yourself, of your action and how does it affect other people.
Don't connect with somebody, just to make you feel alright. Try to be alone.
Love,
Mrs. Words
I usually find my energy recharge by meeting with other person. Or spending time with my friend, doing something fun or just hanging at the house watching movies. I usually a 'yes, man' person whenever my friends ask me to hang out, anytime, anywhere. I involved in many group activities, i used to join discussion group. My life was pretty much sociable and i always have much time for them.
And then realize, i never have time for myself.
My life was always surrounded by crowd, by a lot of people, by the background noises until i forget how to be alone. How to just watching people from afar. I forget the fun idea of being alone. I was lost in the crowd until i lost myself in the process and my identity is scattered around those people. I don't know who i am anymore and what i want because i always go with the crowd, you know. If majority wants this, and then i'll want it to. Or try to follow. I no longer give myself time to take a break, to see if that's really what i want. I always rushing, following one friends to another because i am scared of being left behind.
I was scared of being alone. I didn't like the idea of wandering the mall alone, eating alone, going to the coffee shops alone, spending time with my own thoughts. I overthink, i am afraid of my image to other person. What if they see me being alone all the time?
Their thought must be like "oh, maybe she's annoying so nobody wants to be friend with her" or "she must have been very shy" and also "she's not good in socializing". I always care of what they think of me, and i always think that if they see me alone, there must be something wrong in your life. Or you just don't try enough to make connections to other people.
I was so busy providing time for other person, and being a complete dick to my own self. Like i know i am tired, but i keep pushing and i keep things going because i want other person to depend on me. I want to be that girl, who helped them in their difficult time and later can be thanked on and remembered of my kindness.
That's a very naive thoughts isn't it?
If you are the kind of person like me, who is afraid of being alone, who is afraid of being single and constantly thinking that alone equals to the inability for us to connect with other people, please, read this article thoroughly because being alone is comforting.
Being alone means you have more time for yourself. You don't have to be alone all the time, but whenever you need a break from life, just do it. You will have more time to figure out what you really want in life, without having have to hear opinion that come from people who doesn't know you well like you know yourself. You will discover things that you don't know you have when you spend time with other people. You will have a more perfect understanding of your own emotion: what makes you happy, what makes you sad, how you wanna be treated.
Being alone means you can start doing whatever you want to do. When you are in a large groups of friend, you will always have to compromise to find things that can actually enjoyable for the whole group. Your playlist in the car will play the most mainstream song because that's what the group wants. You will get food in the same place with the groups, even though you are fancy of eating something else. Being alone means you can hear whatever music you want to hear. You will find yourself can do something that you didn't do for as long as you can remember, simply because you finally have the time to do it.
Being alone will gives you greater understanding in relationship with other people. It will make you appreciate things more than before, because you know that some things couldn't take for granted and you will find how you wanna be treated in relationship. Being alone means you don't have to stay in a toxic relationship for too long, because you know how much you worth and there's still other people you haven't met yet and it could be your big chance. You will enjoy your alone time, and you will be very much enjoying when you are in a relationship because only then you realize that there's something you have to do together with other person.
Being alone means that you can help yourself from the situation of the need to making other people happy. You realize that you didn't add much in their happiness. You won't rely again in other person to make you happy. Being alone will make you happily independent and you will know that there's no greater happiness that comes other than try to make yourself happy first before someone else.
Because if you cannot make yourself happy, how do you know how to make other people happy, right?
Being alone will gives your life meaning and you'll get greater understanding about yourself. Often we find ourselves trying to find validation from other people just to make sure that we are still 'okay' and not drifting away too much from the society. We still follow rules and we still be what our society thinks of us. When you start to truly appreciate of being alone, you'll no longer need validation from other people. You will learn to trust your instinct, and you'll be able to make any decision yourself based on your judgement. You will no longer depend on someone to make your choices for you. You will learn how to be responsible of yourself, of your action and how does it affect other people.
Don't connect with somebody, just to make you feel alright. Try to be alone.
Love,
Mrs. Words
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