We keep wondering if things could be different for both of us. If time would be more convenient. If he and we actually end up together, instead of looking to each other from the other side of the road.
Either it's a not yet, next time, some other time, or even one day in the near future, there's nothing wonderful and joyful in being someone's almost. we experience a lot of almost in this so-called modern-day dating. Where the two of us could talk so deep, having lots of undeniably fun time together and it feels like we know this person for years. Then it's just gone. Vanished. It's like both of our head gets struck by the pavement and wake up not remembering anything. He can easily decide that we're not his person anymore and move on to find another. Almost is when the two of us lay in the same bed together but realizing the fact that this connection we just build goes up the roof the minute you walk out through that door.
Almost every almost-relationships are the same. They're the ones we're expecting when we opened up the phone and see their messages waiting. We can have an absolutely fucked-up day and they're the one we want to tell right away. Or when something good happens to us, they're the ones who we want to thank immediately without any sensible reason. But they're also the one when we asked about 'what is us, exactly?' and they will answer about not promising anything, they want to be with us but things aren't working right now, and leave us with the hope that it will be working one day, in the same way, left us feeling needy and demanding.
It's the hardest to move on from people because they never give us the chance to get our closure. Was it a real connection that we have or is it just you leading us on to believe that we have some connection. It is never seeing each other, it is never dating. We never get the chance to be sitting down and having a discussion about why things are not working anymore. We never get a head's up before they start not replying back. It's a sudden thing where they can just leave and we're expected to cope with all of the emotional sadness and doubts and anger alone without knowing why.
We think we're starting to build a relationship. We start to develop connections only the two of us would sync. We think that we're going to be official soon because he eventually believes that we're not the same as other girls. That he would finally give us a chance to be together. Gives us a chance.
Almost is hard to walk through because we feel we cannot express our emotion openly because there's no established label between the two of us. It feels like we don't have the right to express it because we don't want to be embarrassed for people to know how little we mean to someone who means so much for us. Another problem with almost is, it keeps us from meeting someone who is certain about their feelings for us and not afraid to take risks and chances. The almost relationship also makes us committed to someone who is uncertain and won't commit to you. It's like being a relationship where you're not.
It's like constantly being reminded that we're never enough for them and they will never be sure if they like us or not.
It's just about the promise to be so much more when they say they can't promise you anything.
It is so hard to walk out on because when your almost ends, you're not just losing someone who means so much for you. You also lose a friend.
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